Helpmeet--Ch. 2 & 3; Chelle

Here is a more recent photo of our family. This was taken in December 2007 here in Albania. Top row: Kaitlyn (11), Chelle (37), Kris (36) Bottom row: Sierra (7), Breanna (4 at the time), Whitney (8).

I came across a prayer in The Valley of Vision book on Wednesday called “The Family”. There was one section of the prayer that really struck me and has become one of things that I pray for in regards to my children. The author prays, “Let those that are united to me in tender ties be precious in Thy sight and devoted to Thy glory. Sanctify and prosper my domestic devotion, instruction, discipline, example, that my house may be a nursery for heaven...”. I thought that the attitude and focus of that prayer went so well with what we have been studying: how to be God-glorifying women in our homes.

These two chapters (from the Help Meet book) continue to challenge and encourage me each time I read them. This is the 4^th time I have read them and I was again convicted about how often I allow the circumstances around me to dictate my attitude instead of the Spirit of God living in me. The chapter on having a merry heart is so practical. A couple of things really stood out to me in this chapter:

1. “Who and what you are is reflected on your face.” (p 27) That really got me to thinking about the wrinkles and lines on my face – yes, they are settling in and making themselves at home. I noticed that the most predominant wrinkles are the “scowl creases” between my eyebrows. My mom used to always tell me not furrow my brow or I would get lines there. Well, I should have listened to my mother. I realize that just because I have these lines, doesn’t mean that I am a sad, angry or unhappy person by character, but it did drive home the fact that they are more prominent on my face than the “smile” wrinkles showing up next to my eyes. The obvious conclusion is that I scowl more than I smile. So, I began to be more conscious of my countenance and the body language I project to others. I was dismayed to discover that I frequently sigh, respond to interruptions with a curt answer instead of smile and express my discontent by being a big stick in the mud. The idea of singing and dancing while I sweep the floor (or make dinner or clean up the dishes, etc) may seem silly, but it really does change the whole demeanor of the house. I did an experiment this week. I made it a point to put praise music on in the morning, wake the kids up with a joyful song, talk with kids and Kris about how thankful I was for them and for what God had taught me that morning in my QT, respond with a smile when asked to help with something, and play and tickle and laugh more during the day. Well, sure enough all day the whole attitude in the house was one of happiness, fun, kind and thoughtful words and a general feeling of unity. Wow! What an enormous part MY attitude plays in directing the mood of everyone in my house.
2. “No man has ever crawled out from under his wife’s criticism to be a better man – no matter how justified her condemnations.” (p. 30). I am really good at being my husband’s Holy Spirit. I can convey to him my disapproval or disappointment with a look or a well placed sigh. What man really wants to come home from a day where he has been run ragged at work to be hammered with more harshness by his wife. A godly woman told me once that I needed to be a “soft pillow” for Kris at home. He needs to know that being with me is a safe place for him to unwind and decompress after a tough day. My sharp little jabs do nothing to change the situation, except make him less willing to open up and make our communication laced with tension. So I made a list of things that I could be doing to make him smile (as was suggested in the end of the chapter). They include being more playful in intimacy (not so hum-drum and boring), letting the chores go a little bit to play and wrestle with Kris and the girls, massage or tickle his back (without being asked), text message him some suggestive or fun “love notes” and then fulfill the promise later, and just relax. By the way, the text messaging thing is a really neat way to keep that feeling of mystery and liveliness going. Coming up with some code words for special or intimate things allows you to text and laugh together.

The chapter on a thankful spirit was just a confirmation of what I had been convicted of and trying put into practice from the previous chapter. They were a 1-2 punch. The quote, “Joy begins with thankfulness” (p 37) was a perfect bit to mull over all week. It is so easy to get caught up with the daily frustrations of not having power to heat up the house or water to bathe or to do the laundry, not being able to find parking hardly anywhere in the city so I have to walk a mile or carry all my groceries for blocks, and the list goes on. What I really need to focus on is – I deserve to go to hell and instead I get to go to heaven. That in itself will make all the “momentary, light afflictions” (II Cor. 4:17) return to their proper place. Having that attitude of gratitude has drastically changed my time with the Lord (instead of coming with my list of things that need to be “fixed”, I am focused on His glory and on praising Him), with my re-ship with Kris (instead of being weighed down by the worries and problems of my day, I am refreshed and thankful to help him bear the burden of his responsibilities), with my kids (instead of being short-tempered when they want to “help” with dinner or with some project I am working on, I am reminded of what a gift they are and how my house is to be a “nursery for heaven”) and with the people I come in contact with everyday (instead of seeming tired and overwhelmed with life, I reflect joy and peace that they can’t even comprehend – now that’s an open door for the gospel!)

Keeping my husband in my prayers all day long (and thanking God for Him instead of praying for God to change the flaws I see) is the best way for me to maintain a thankful and joyful heart towards Kris.

I did a study on joy for a couple of weeks, just to keep the momentum going, and a couple of verses that really helped and encouraged me were:

* Romans 15:13 – “Now may the God all hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

* Psalm 43:4 – “Then I will go to the alter of God, to God my exceeding Joy; and upon the lyre I shall praise You, O God my God.’

* Psalm 16:11 – “You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever.” (italics mine)

I hope that when I die or when people are remembering what kind of person I am or was, they will say that I exuded the joy of the Lord and was always thankful. I don't want to be remembered as complaining, whining, or being too caught up in my schedule or agenda to enjoy life and all the blessings God continues to lavishly pour out in my life.