Helpmeet--Ch. 11 & 12; Jessica

Chapter 11

Did these phrases cause you to pause?:

"...Lucifer, the fallen cherub, was jealous of Adam's position as master of the renewed planet."

and

"He [Lucifer] did not want God to be successful at replenishing the earth. - p.106 (emphasis added)

I know that this blog is not intended for a discussion on our beliefs of the creation account. I will just say that I was a little perplexed when I first came across these phrases. I have since learned that the Pearl's believe in the existence of a time "gap" between verses 2 and 3 of Genesis chapter 1, and they believe that the creation account beginning in verse 3 is not the first creation. If you're interested in learning more about their position, you can go to this link. I read through the article and I've asked my husband to read it. If any of you get a chance to read it, and would like to comment on this topic, you can email me at jlp91326@yahoo.com.

O.K., moving along to the help meet portion of the chapter...

On page 110, Debi tells us that:

"...wives should fear God and distrust their natural tendencies."

I don't like to think of myself as one who is deceived, but that does not change the fact that I am!

It is also interesting to note how men are "exposed and vulnerable" to the women they love (p.110) Debi's words of caution should be at the forefront of my mind:

"We need to be aware of the power we have to seduce our husbands into following us into disregarding the clear, objective words of God.-p.110-111

If Adam, Samson, Solomon, and David can fall in these areas, so can any of our men.

I wonder how many times my husband has gone against his own better judgment in order to keep his wife happy? I don't ever want to make my man weak because I am somehow assuming a masculine role (p. 112).

In the "Virtuous Woman" section, I found it interesting (and somewhat humorous) to read Debi's thoughts on the modern perspective of Proverbs 31. I like how she notes that "quiet time" and "prayer warrior" are not synonymous with the biblical womanhood that we read about in Scripture:

"In our culture, we have lost a clear understanding of what constitutes a virtuous woman." -p.114

At the end of the chapter, I was challenged to be that wife who is feminine, sweet, girlish... a "delightful joy".

"A man cannot cherish a strong woman who expresses her displeasure of him." -p.115

The "Time to Consider" section on page 116 asks some tough questions. The "Biblical Profile Contrast" is a helpful chart, as well.

Chapter 12

"It takes faith in God to trust him when all you seem to see is one carnal man leading you - to "God only knows where." "- p. 117

And, so, I just keep praying as the apostles prayed (Luke 17:5), that the Lord would increase my faith.

I thought Debi did a great job addressing the "What about Deborah?" issue. On the one hand, Deborah was a good leader... and that was exactly the problem, for it resulted in shame to Israel that a woman should be in the position of authority.

I loved this excerpt on p. 122:

"Do you KNOW even one couple who says they have a heavenly marriage? I know that the angels in heaven stand amazed at how much a man can love a woman, how he can break down weeping at the thought of how precious she is to him. The reason he loves her is because she IS precious. She has earned his total adoration and love. She is what God asks of a woman, and the end result is a man who cherishes her beyond anything this world can know."

I have known a couple that claimed to have a heavenly marriage. The wife was such a godly example for me to follow. It is my hope that I can continually grow to become "what God asks of a woman." Lord willing, I can be precious and cherished in the eyes of my husband.

In the "Time to Consider" section, I was reminded that I need to improve in the area of verbally praising my husband (privately and publicly.)

Helpmeet--Ch. 9 & 10; Jessica

Chapter 9

Debi had very sound advice for the wife of the CPA (now dairy farmer.) Each of us in our own situation can fill in the blanks with this statement:

"Learn to really enjoy taking out the trash or milking a cow. You will be amazed at how God will fill you full of himself." -p.97

I have reflected upon this chapter when my husband has shared some of his ideas for the future. When he is thinking out loud, I have to be careful not to say "that will cost so much money to get started..." or "can that truly be successful?" I must try to always be his number one confidant and cheerleader, even when he is not doing something my way.

I am a homegrown Southern California "city" girl. It is sometimes hard for me to imagine more of a country lifestyle. Yet, as it looks right now, that is what the future holds for me. I happen to love warmth and sunshine, and our future state has long, cold winters. If I am to be my husband's helper, I will bundle up and learn to enjoy the snow. If I am to be his helper, I will learn to love the peace and quiet of a simpler way of life.

Chapter 10

Oh, how I desire to be transformed by the renewing of my mind! I try to do this most mornings as I read through some Scripture. I don't want to be the woman who was:

"...storing up in her heart an abundance of selfish thoughts." -p.102

and I really must be careful not to fall into this trap:

"In thinking he is wrong and you are right, you declare yourself wiser than he, more spiritual, more discerning, more sacrificial, etc. All this adds up to the obvious conclusion that you have assumed the role of leadership, teacher, and judge."-p.103

I have mentioned before that I married a Marine. He just left the country for two weeks and sometimes I find myself wishing that he would just check out of his unit and be done with all of it. That is the selfish me talking. When I start to think upon truth then I remember that this is who he is and I love that I married a real man's man. He has also served for 15 years, so if he stays in for just another five years then he will be eligible for a retirement.

The children are also learning to re-train their thinking through this time apart from their father. When he left, they cried. But, what I have been telling them (and it helps me, too) is that there are other American children who have fathers serving for months, or a year, or more- so we need to be grateful that our Marine will be gone for such a short time.

"No woman will ever have peace and joy until her mind is filled with goodwill toward her husband, and she is committed to becoming a good help meet for him." -p.103

Thus, when I kissed him goodbye, he knew that I was supporting him and that I am capable of holding down the fort here on the homefront.

Helpmeet--Ch. 8; Jessica

Over 3 years ago, before the Help Meet book was released, the Pearl's posted a large portion of this chapter in their bi-monthly newsletter. I was so intrigued with Debi's perspective on the three types of men! At that time, I learned that my husband was about 80% Mr. Steady, with a little Mr. Command and a little Mr. Visionary mixed in.

"If you love him and support him with his inadequacies and without taking charge, both of you will succeed and grow." -p.76

I have found this to be so true! I am amazed to think about all of the positive changes in my husband's life over the past couple of years. Although he is far from perfect (like his bride), I have watched him develop into a more balanced blend of all three "types." He has become more of a visionary and so now I would say that he is about 40% Mr. Steady, 40% Mr. Visionary, and 20% Mr. Command.

On Christmas Eve 2006, my husband was involved in an on-duty motorcycle collision. Amidst surgeries and recoveries, while he had much time at home, the Lord began to move in his heart. One of his first visionary steps was to say that he wanted to begin home-churching. That was more than a little frightening for me, because I had never known anything other than going to a church building every Sunday. Now, over a year later, I can look back and see how much we have grown in the Lord and what a blessing it is to gather in a small home assembly.

Over the past year, it became more and more evident that my husband would never make a 100% recovery (which would be required for continuing his present career.) For someone who never thought he would enjoy anything more than being a police officer, the Lord has given him hope and vision for the future! He is now excited about a new beginning. Our family is about to undergo many transitions, as my husband desires for us to live on a large piece of property outside of California. His hope is to eventually have a home-business. These are just a couple of the upcoming steps on our new journey! It is now up to me to be flexible and loyal (per Debi's instructions on pgs. 81, 84)

My husband is a Command Man when he needs to be (he is a Gunnery Sergeant in the Marine Corps Reserves and is accountable for 100+ Marines and Sailors in his unit.) He is also in Command at home with the children when necessary, but he does not have the "deficit in gentleness" that Debi writes about (p. 77).

In the final pages of the chapter, I was grateful to be reminded that I should not take his "steady" traits for granted.

I look forward to hearing from the rest of you on what you learned about your husband as you read through this chapter.

Prayer Request; Jessica

Could I ask you ladies to please pray for me- I am having a minor surgery on Friday morning at 7:30 a.m. It is an outpatient procedure to repair a hernia which developed when I was pregnant. The surgeon at that time told me to come back in and have it taken care of after the baby was born... here we are seven years later!

Anyway, I would ask that you lift up these specific requests:

-That my body will handle the general anesthesia well and that I will not feel nauseous when I wake up or throughout the day.

-That the surgeon will perform the procedure with precision.

-And that I will recover without much pain and without any complications due to infection or otherwise.

Thank you, everyone!

Helpmeet--Ch. 6 & 7; Jessica

Ch.6

A woman who really knows God will know that true spirituality is obeying God's recorded Word, not cultivating her "spiritual sensibilities."- p.59

I have known plenty of women, including extended family members, who claim to love the Lord, and yet, they are living in blatant disobedience to his commands. Jesus was very clear, "If ye love me, keep my commandments" (John 14:15)

There are also women in Christian circles who are very committed to their quiet time, women's ministries, prayer groups, etc. and yet we hear them gossiping, complaining, disrespecting their husbands, and more. "But he said, Yea rather, blessed [are] they that hear the word of God, and keep it" (Luke 11:28, emphasis added)

How many women (and I am speaking to myself here, too!) find themselves wondering, "what is God's will for me in this or that particular area?" God has provided an answer to that question! We can go to our husband and follow his direction. This is God's will for wives. Submission. Obedience. Trusting God through our husband's leadership. I should do all of this because Jesus modeled submission for me: "because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me" (John 5:30)

Trusting our husband's leadership can be scary! My natural tendency is to fear and question some of his decision making. But, again, if I am ultimately trusting in the Lord, then I do not need to fear! The Lord is leading my husband, who, in turn, is leading me. One verse that I have had to cling to again and again is: "The king's heart [is] in the hand of the LORD, [as] the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will" (Proverbs 21:1)

What did I learn from the "Crazy Lady?" Well, among other things, I need to really be careful to ensure that I am always trying to be his helper and not his conscience.

Ch.7

I think the letter, "Alone," is the most powerful message from the book thus far. After reading it, I was reminded, once again, how merciful God is! He has preserved my marriage even when I have made many of the same foolish choices that Carolyn made. How many times have I been cool toward my husband, waiting for him to "suffer" a little more (p.69). How many times have I let him know that I disapprove of his spending choices? More times than I care to admit!

By God's grace, I have learned in recent years to hold my tongue and trust the Lord. I am grateful that I've had time to practice this because we have some big changes coming up in the near future. Some of you know that my husband is facing a career change and our family may soon be relocating out of state. My husband is becoming more and more a Mr. Visionary (chapter 8). This is exciting... and unnerving!

As trying as it may be, I will do my best to keep that meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of God of great price (1 Peter 3:4)

Helpmeet--Ch. 4 & 5; Jessica

This blog was quiet while we were on vacation! My favorite excerpt from these two chapters is on page 43:

This, then, is the rule of life for wives: Live with thanksgiving, forgiveness, and joy, and enjoy all your moments as if they were your last. Someday, soon enough, they will be. (emphasis added)

Don't we all act as though we're going to live forever? I mean, if I truly consider that this could be my last day on earth (and it very well could be), how would that change the way that I serve, love, and cherish my family? Greatly! Debi is at a different season of life. She has watched all of her children grow to adulthood and so she, very wisely, is reminding us to treasure our time. I'm so glad she did.

Two More Free Tools; Jessica

Dear Ladies,

Our family will soon be leaving on an out-of-state trip, and so I will not be posting on the next two chapters. When I am back online (around the 14th) I will enjoy reading about all that you have learned. Before I go, I would like to share two more links which have been helpful to me:

Prayer for my Husband

and

Webster's 1828 Dictionary Online

This dictionary might assist you in word studies. Here is one example, using a verse from Proverbs:

House and riches [are] the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife [is] from the LORD. (Prov. 19:14)

First, I looked up the Biblical usage of the word "prudent" at the Blue Letter Bible site. Here are some of the meanings which stood out to me:

• be circumspect
• wisely understand
• prosper
• have insight
• to give attention to, consider, ponder
• teach

Now, you can go to the 1828 Dictionary and expand your understanding of the word "prudent" or any of the other words that came up in the list above, such as "circumspect."

PRU'DENT, a. Cautious; circumspect; practically wise; careful of the consequences of enterprises, measures or actions; cautious not to act when the end is of doubtful utility, or probably impracticable.

The prudent man looketh well to his going. Prov.14.

A prudent man foreseeth the evil and hideth himself. Prov.22.

1. Dictated or directed by prudence; as prudent behavior.

2. Foreseeing by instinct; as the prudent crane.

3. Frugal; economical; as a prudent woman; prudent expenditure of money.

4. Wise; intelligent.

CIRCUMSPECT, a. Literally, looking on all sides; looking round. Hence,

Cautious; prudent; watchful on all sides; examining carefully all the circumstances that may affect a determination, or a measure to be adopted.

Helpmeet--Ch. 2 & 3; Jessica

11.07

In chapter two, I was, first of all, reminded to pray for my husband. Who knows how many strange women are lurking about his workplace? This phrase "strange woman" (used in the KJV) comes up again and again in Proverbs. In Proverbs 2:16, 6:24, and 7:5 it is said that one of her best tools in tempting a man is flattery. She is a smooth talker. I need to remember my best tool, as Debi writes on p. 31-

The tool of your warfare is your loving, kind, delightful, radiant, adoring self.

I also appreciate her counter-cultural approach to maintaining or restoring a good marriage: forget my rights! Tell that one to a feminist!

A couple of favorite quotes from the chapter:

God stands with you when you stand by your man... -p. 32

If you have reason to be hurt or discouraged and yet you sing with thanksgiving, this is a true sacrifice of worship to God.-p.34

In chapter three, I found this quote to speak volumes:

It is amazing how much your mouth controls your soul. -p.37

In a day and age that is very "emotions" saturated, where we hear so often, "I can't help the way I feel," Debi's reminder is very poignant. Our emotions do not have to control our thinking. By practicing the right attitude with our words we can re-train our thinking.

Free Word Study Tool; Jessica

At the end of chapter one, there are five words which Debi asks the reader to locate in the King James Bible. If you have a concordance, this is very helpful, but it can still be rather time consuming. A year or so ago, I started using the Blue Letter Bible website. I would like to give you some quick instructions on how to utilize this site for a fast and simple word study.

I will use the first word on Debi's list as an illustration: Virtue

(Because the Proverbs verses referring to women use the word virtuous, I decided to look for this word instead.)

On the main page of the Blue Letter Bible site, there is a search bar. The default setting for the Bible version should already be KJV. In that search bar, go ahead and type virtuous and click "search".

Now you have your list titled "KJV Concordance for -virtuous-"

Below this, you will find this notation: (virtuous) occurs 3 times in 3 verses in the KJV

Finally, you will see those three verses listed in their entirety. Ruth is called a virtuous woman in Ruth 3:11. Then we have the virtuous woman of Proverbs. Select your favorite verse. For this example, I will choose Proverbs 12:4.

Click on the "Pro 12:4"

Now this verse is displayed in consecutive order with all verses of chapter 12. See the little blue boxes to the left of each verse? You want to click on the blue C box next to Proverbs 12:4.

Here you will see an English/Hebrew word chart.

Click on the Strong's Concordance # [02428].


This is the final page for my example, and here is what we have been looking for:

Outline of Biblical Usage

1) strength, might, efficiency, wealth, army
a) strength
b) ability, efficiency
c) wealth
d) force, army

I enjoy these word studies because they really make a verse come alive. Most of us are familiar with these two Proverbs verses:

Proverbs 12:4- "A virtuous woman [is] a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed [is] as rottenness in his bones."

and

Proverbs 31:10- "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies."

But, now we know that virtuous means: strong, able, and efficient.

I find it helpful to read the verse to myself using some of these new words:

A [strong] woman is a crown to her husband...
An [able] woman is a crown to her husband...
An [efficient] woman is a crown to her husband...

I hope that you will be able to put this word study tool to good use!

Introduction from a Help Meet, Jessica

10.11.97

Hello, Ladies! I thought it would be fun to give some brief introductions. It has now been ten years since I first became a help meet for Jake. We are the parents of an eight year old son and a nearly seven year old daughter. You may like to visit our blog sometime, "Our Family Highlights" to learn a little more about our family, and to view some more recent photos (we've changed a bit in 10 years!)

When our son was about six months old, I began to seek out some godly parenting advice, and that is when someone first mentioned No Greater Joy Ministries. I ordered To Train Up a Child, and read much of it aloud to my husband. We both agreed that we wanted to proceed with the principles and methods that were outlined in the book. We owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to the Pearls for writing such a book and sharing it with us all.

I have received the free No Greater Joy Newsletter all of these years and I was very excited when there was first mention of Debi's work on a book for wives. I "pre-ordered" it and they mailed my copy out when it was hot off the press. It was, and continues to be, the best book that I have ever read on Titus 2 instruction for wives.

For our first scheduled reading (Intro & chapter 1) I found this sentence to really stand out above the rest:

"The degree to which you reverence your husband is the degree to which you reverence your Creator" - p.22

That has given me a lot to ponder! I look forward to hearing from more of you soon!