Changed Into His Image, CH. 4

Jan's thoughts / notes
Getting In Your Place--Jeremiah 2:12-13

1. Scriptures are clear that our OWN WAY (Jer. 2:19) will not work, the fact that it won't work is God's secondary concern. Forsaking God is the first and the most wicked of the two evils God enumerates in the above passage! (p. 67)

2. There is stability and joy that God gives to those who put their trust in Him rather than in their own devices. (Ps. 16:36)

3. Creation inherently demands dependency (Ps. 100:3). I must face my dependence upon my Creator, repent of my proud ways/attempts to make life work my OWN WAY, and submit to HIS way. (p. 69)

4. Humility--
If I have been humbled before God, I am no longer self-justifying, self-protective, or self-confident. My habitual frame of mind should be one that not only feels I owe all my natural gifts to God but that I have been the object of undeserved redeeming love and I regard myself as being God's alone, in Christ (II Cor. 3:5; 4:7). (p. 73)

How God Humbles Us (p. 77-83)
...He can send us a problem we can't handle to expose our helplessness...II Kings 5
...He can give us a command we won't obey to expose our self-centeredness...II Kings 14:25
...He can arrange an outcome we can't control to expose our sinfulness...II Sam. 11-12
...He can show us a God we can't comprehend to expose our finiteness...Job 1-4

5. Matthew 5:3; 18:3-4 (p. 73)
I am nothing apart from Him.
I am sinful and need His mercy.
I am insufficient and need His grace.

Changed Into His Image, Ch. 3

Jan's Thoughts/Notes

Identifying Your Own Way

1) I was born with the same basic sinful heart that demands to have it's own way, every day, as everyone else.

We all have our own unique combinations. The rebellion of our own way manifests itself differently in each of us! (p. 50) I Cor. 10:13

I must acknowledge and identify my own way so that I can effectively uproot and destroy that sin in my life or it will continue to re-root and manifest ugliness (sin) in my life.

In this chapter Berg is precise and concise about the different types of rebellion, or "own ways" as he states it. He outlines 3 specific rebels within all of us with a few sub-rebels within each.

I. The Assertive Rebel (out-spoken and/or in-your-face)

II. The Cooperative Rebel (I will obey since it gets me what I want)

• Compliant rebel--ultimately will obey, but slow
• Duty-oriented rebel--the "good kid" wants to be the best and get the recognition

III. The Passive Rebel (the victim)

• "I can't obey"
• "I forgot to obey"
• "I didn't know to obey"

2) My flesh wants to usurp God's control and replace it with my own way. In James 1 he talks specifically about being tempted to sin and have my own way...he teaching is that the source of the temptation is not from above (from God), but within man--from his own lusts. (p. 50)

3) Is There Any Hope?

Yes!!

I Cor. 6:11 "And such were some of you: but ye were washed, but ye were sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God."

II Cor. 5:17 "new creature" (each of us has been fundamentally changed by the Spirit of God!)

Galatians 5 talks about the putting off (works of the flesh) and the putting on (fruit of the Spirit). There is no problem that God's Word does not address in the Scriptures (p. 57)

I must become accustomed to looking beyond my own behavior and emotions and ask myself, "What is the ruling lust in my heart right now that is driving this behavior or emotion?" (p. 58)

The problem is in the heart of man, not his circumstances (p. 64) How easily I become the 'victim' and give excuses for the way I respond outwardly or the way I feel inwardly. In many circumstances, I justify my sin with excuses.

4) John Owen on Knowing Your Heart

"Is is not enough to watch our circumstances to detect the times of
temptation. We must also watch our heart to know when temptation might
approach us. We need to know our own heart...!"

"Unless we are conscious of these propensities, relationships, and dynamic
possibilities, temptation will constantly entangle us. This is why it is
so important to know ourselves--our temperaments and our attitudes."

"How few truly seek to know themselves, or posses the courage to do so."
(Owen, Sin, 130-132)

5) A Note on: Warring Children

"They certainly need to be confronted about their fighting; but more
fundamentally they need to be confronted about the underlying desire of the heart
that prompted the fight....Merely insisting that the warring parties get along or
separating them fro a period of time may stop the fight, but it will not solve
the real problem--their ruling lust, which is a part of their own way of making
life work for them." (p. 64)

"Not only must that ruling lust be identified and confronted in their
lives, but the offenders must also ask forgiveness of it from God and from those
they are wronging before lasting biblical change can take place. It is
not even enough for the individual to see his ruling list and acknowledge that
he has a problem in that area. Unless he repents with the intention of
forsaking, his fellowship with god remains broken and there will be no lasting
change." (p. 64)

Num. 15:39-40--God was concerned for Israel's heart!

The pull of indwelling sin in my own heart has a deadly effect on my human heart (p. 65)

Changed Into His Image, Ch. 2

Jan's Thoughts/Notes:

Recognizing the Evil Within

1) Understanding MY Sinful Heart

• I am sinful (Rom. 1-3)
• I need to be saved (Rom. 4-5)
• I can be sanctified (Rom. 6-8)

There is only ONE way--to be redeemed (purchased) by the blood of Christ--salvation, from eternal separation from God, by His grace (death on the cross) through faith (my belief).

2) The Nature of MY Nature

• My biggest problem is a heart that wants it's own way--all the time.
• My ways and His ways are mutually exclusive
• My sin separates me from Him. It blinds my understanding and without the Spirit within me, I cannot comprehend spiritual things.
• My heart is deceptive. I was born with a heart against God.

3) Why is MY "flesh" Deceitful?

• Sin generates lies. Lies about life that conceal the reality. Once sin has deceived the mind, I am sure to sin.
• The will (my will) chooses what appears to be good to my affections bc the mind has been deceived by my sin (Rom. 7:23)

4) My Flesh is Death (Jms 1:15; Rom. 8:13)

• The Serpent's design is to separate the believer from the Lord's fellowship
• The enemy seeks to separate my body & soul--rendering it useless to Christ
• An unrestrained sinful heart is destructive! Rom. 3:10-18; 8:13

5) God's Word MUST be MY Authority

• If I refuse to acknowledge my authorities desire to rule, I am rejecting God's Way. That in itself is ruling my life at that moment
• I must practice making decisions that are wise (in line with God's way)
• I must humble myself before God and acknowledge His right to superintend ALL my choices

So What?

1. If left alone I would destroy myself--I MUST recognize God's convicting and chastising Word and confront my sin!
2. I MUST humble myself when God exposes sin or their will be no biblical change in my life.
3. God will mercifully keep exposing my sin that would ultimately keep me from being productive for Him.

Currently Reading -- Changed Into His Image

Jan

It's been almost a year since I have last attempted a post on this blog...I ended up deleting the 'draft' and removed the pressure I put on myself to post the notes and thoughts on the last 2 books I read.

• A Call to Prayer, JC Ryle (summer/fall '09 -- book club incl. S. Flowers & J. Cunningham)
• Teach Them Diligently, Lou Priolo (spring '09 -- class lead by Louise Essex, PBC)

I would love to continue using this blog to post my thoughts and notes on the books that I am reading (for personal growth and maturing). I'll leave off the others that are merely for pleasure; you can visit my personal blog and take a look at my bookshelf there if you are interested in knowing the other books I subject myself and time to.

For this current read my goal is to post 5 points/thoughts extracted from each chapter...no more and no less (this is something that Burg suggests specifically in the first chapter) and I believe will be a reasonable goal for me to maintain.

I have not mentioned the renewal of this blog to either of the other two 'club' members, but I do invite them to post their findings too! Feel free to follow along with us using the posted reading schedule...I'd love to hear your comments. If you'd like permission to "POST" let me know and I will add you to this blogs list of authors.

Helpmeet--Ch. 15 & 16; Jan-Maree

I am enjoying this section of the book with all it's micro specifics!

CH. 15: To Be Sober
As we know, Debi is examining Titus 2:3-5 KJV verses in these next several chapters in the book.

"The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."

I am thankful for her time in words with the definition of 'blaspheme'. It made it real for me, not just cursing or swearing or anger towards the Holy Spirit, but also putting oneself above God, either by what you say or by what you do. Using one of the links that Jessica posted back in April.

blaspheme BLASPHE'ME, v.t. [Gr. The first syllable is the same as in blame, blasme, denoting injury; L. loedo, loesus; The last syllable is the Gr.,to speak.] 1. To speak of the Supreme Being in terms of impious irreverence; to revile or speak reproachfully of God, or the Holy Spirit. 1 Kings 21. Mark 3. 2. To speak evil of; to utter abuse or calumny against; to speak reproachfully of. BLASPHE'ME, v.i. To utter blasphemy. He that shall blaspheme against the Holy Spirit shall not be forgiven. Mark 3. 1. To arrogate the prerogatives of God. This man blasphemeth. Who can forgive sins but God? Math.9. Mark 2.

blasphemer BLASPHE'MER, n. One who blasphemes; one who speaks of God in impious and irreverent terms. 1 Tim.1.

Specifically in this chapter, I truly enjoyed the practical tips that she shares. I was stung by the truth, "A sober wife makes herself the match of every circumstance." (p 148)
Debi states it so plainly. Even if I have not used 9 out of the 10 excuses that she says women use for not completing their simple tasks, I felt humbled. I know that the craziness that I feel at times is 99% in my control. Simply stated, "It is the lack of simple planning." (p 150)
I am challenged to try her crop-pot meals for the week...just to try it! I love the crock-pot but I do not use it as a daily help. She makes it appealing!
"Sometimes, maintaining a good relationship with your husband simply requires the performing of simple tasks, like having a food meal ready on time and a clean house, even when it is not convenient to do so." (p 151)

CH. 16: To Love Their Husbands
Not a whole lot I want to share from this chapter via the blog...though, I was hoping there would be a note or a letter or something that addressed the situation--the other way around!
However, I do agree with the one-side that she presented. There are a lot of women out there with low-body image and low self esteem that use every excuse in the book!

We spent quite some time on this chapter before getting to CH. 17 with the gals who were here this past week. Thank you, to those who were here Friday, you were an encouragement to me and my efforts with this group :-)

One quote from this chapter that I appreciated from Debi, "When you truly love and reverence your husband, the very thought of him loving the likes of you should thrill your soul and make you long to cause him pleasure."

*Side Note: Was anyone as dumb struck, saddened, angry, frustrated, at Mr. Miller's letter on p. 167 as I?

Helpmeet--Ch. 13 & 14; Jan-Maree

THE GREAT MYSTERY

Well, I had to pick my jaw from off the floor after reading Judy's letter on page 126. The question...how many of us could follow her example? I wonder.
Debi writes,

The difference between a good marriage and a lousy one is not found in good husbands and good wives versus bad husbands and bad wives, for all marriages are made up of two sinners with lots of faults. A good marriage is good because one or both of them have learned to overlook the others faults, to love the other as he or she is and not attempt to change the other or bring him or her to repentance. -pg. 128

I have been blessed to witness the truth, "Reverencing a man changes him."

KINGS and KINGDOMS

Reverence is not just acting and putting on that pretty smile all the while responding, "Yes, dear." It is how I feel (in my heart) and how I respond with words and with my body language. I know my husband knows my heart as well or better than I can.

In the past, there were many times that I willed myself to do what I ought more often than I was motivated by my feelings towards him. I am blessed abundantly that this book has opened my eyes and softened my heart. Now, my doing, saying, & acting is motivated by my love and honor towards him!

There were so many times that I too wanted my husband to "perform". I wanted him to be/act 'spiritual', attentive, involved...

The very heart of reverence is extreme appreciation and profound thankfulness that this man, JUST AS HE IS, has chosen to love me, JUST AS I AM. [emphasis added] -pg. 141

Looking ahead on page 160 Debi lists 15 words that God uses to describe a godless wife! Yikes!! May I never fall prey to Satan's lies about my being a woman and wife!

Helpmeet--Ch. 11 & 12; Jan-Maree

-Yeah! I am caught up with reading through, Ch 13/14. I will post in this next week!-

CH. 11
The Nature of Man and Women
This chapter was somewhat of a ‘history’ review for me. As Debi was refreshing my memory of these events, I easily paralleled some of her points with ones in my own life. On page 107 she listed 3 ways that Eve was deceived. I too could relate to Eve’s source of failure, “…her unwillingness to believe God and her husband.” I do realize that we are talking apples and oranges here, but I have seen my sinfulness in so many areas and it’s when I am not trusting in God’s promises.
I appreciate a lot of the bottom-of-the-page quotes (have you noticed them?) and side line highlights that are pulled out of the paragraphs. Two that I particularly like are in this chapter on the same page (p. 108) then one on p. 115
1. “Vulnerability is a woman’s greatest natural asset and the point of her greatest weakness.”
2. “The soul of a mother has to be vulnerable.”
3. “Learn to be a bundle of delightful joy”
These are NOT earth shaking quotes, but to me at the time of reading, they put some perspective on some things, in my life, as a mom.

CH. 12
By Divine Appointment
OK, I know this is as sinful a woman as I…so I want to be cautious about holding her up as all-knowing and wise when it all sounds good, but the Word of God is what we should be quoting. On one hand what she is saying is biblically sound, on the other hand this is her own opinion but proven by her life that what she is suggesting/telling works. I happen to agree with most of it! In the first paragraph of this chapter it all came together for me. Since reading this and believing it (which I do…but some may argue it), a burden has been lifted off of my shoulders. Truly. I have been freed to love my man w/o exception.

"Don’t worry about the quality of his leadership, for he is
under the oversight of Jesus Christ. He must answer to God for how he leads his “troops.” You must answer to God for how you obey the one He places over you. It takes faith in God to trust him when all you seem to see is once carnal man leading you—to “God only know where."

On page 123, “Getting Serious with God”…is anyone having difficulty with this list? I am not sure where to begin…will someone share their thoughts/ideas? Here is what I have come up with but it’s a bit repetitive …
Monday:
1. Keep smiling
2. Keep laughing
3. Happily deal with the children
Tuesday:
1. same as above
Wednesday:
1. same as above
Thursday:
1. He likes my appearance (can’t think of anything)
Friday:
1. Have his shirts ironed and off the ironing board
2. Have his shirts ironed and off the ironing board
3. Have his shirts ironed and off the ironing board
Saturday: (I will keep this to myself, thank you very much!)
Sunday:
1. Praise him and smile at him
2. Touch him
3. Do not correct or talk over him

Helpmeet--Ch. 9 & 10; Jan-Maree

“From the beginning, God meant for us [women] to be a comfort, a blessing, a reward, a friend, and an encouragement [to our men]” p. 94

Chapter 9: Finding Your Life in His
I was provoked to pride that my husband had never “pulled a fast one on me” when it came to career changes or dreams he wanted realized. But, as I continued to read through, I swiftly and humbly recognized that these changes do not necessarily manifest only in these two areas; there are many others instances that can be applied in understanding Debi’s point in sharing the story of The CPA (p. 95)
In my case, it was with his maturing as a man within his career and his ‘enlightening’ through reading and research on subjects I thought to be ‘secular thinking’. Without boring you with unnecessary details, it took this book (started in January) to get me to back-off of Jeff and stop being a whining, distrusting, and disrespecting destructor of his leadership.
I also (Jessica also posted) appreciated Debi’s quote on p. 97,

"Learn to really enjoy taking out the trash or milking a cow. You will be amazed at how God will fill you full of himself…[God] is looking for women willing to be true help meets to the men whom they married, so He can fill them full of joy.”

Though, I do not always understand all the goals that Jeff wants to achieve or the reasoning behind them (which can consume me with fear if I allow it), I am trusting that the Lord will work in his life as well as mine. I have already seen our marriage do an amazing turn for the better! Jeff is respected, trusted, and enjoyed in our home. I know I will be blessed for choosing to uphold Jeff as the leader in our home.

Here is another quote I appreciated...

"Wisdom is knowing what you “bought” when you married that man and learning to adapt to him as he is, while enjoying the full value of your “purchase.” p. 99


Chapter 10: Reactions Define You

I appreciated more than ever the concise ‘review’ that Debi gives on p. 104, under Time to Consider. I learned that not only are we to do this or that, remember this or that, but to look to the future and discover the ways to better meet our husband’s needs and desires.

Ways that I can free my husband to be the man God created him to be:
• Have a smile on my face when he walks in the door.
• Be ready and willing to assist him in the kitchen.
• Have the house and yard toys orderly when he arrives.
• Lower (soften) my voice when dealing with kid stuff.
• Encourage/Praise him with my words.
• Head off some of the decision making when it comes to our social calendar.

"Your reactions define who you really are inside and what you really believe at your core level.” p. 101

I believe that I will never have peace, happiness, and joy until my mind is filled with good-will towards my husband.
(p. 103) -paraphrased/personalized-

Helpmeet--Ch. 8; Jan-Maree

Wisdom to Understand Your Man: A wise woman learns to adapt to her man.

I have considered writing to Mrs. Pearl and offering the suggestion that when (down the road if applicable) the book gets up dated or re-formatted that this chapter get moved to the beginning of the book!
I particularly enjoyed her personal thoughts of how the three types of men paralleled the Trinity.
As I was reading there were several points that stood out to me. I will share those and close with some personal thoughts of how I have identified my beloved and how I am blessed by him and also how I can be a better helpmeet to him.
· It was clear to me after reading this chapter, how (in the 13 yrs we have been married) I have been a curse to my husband (and of course a blessing, at times).
· I am thankful for her "KEY" point on pg 76: “Wisdom in knowing what you ‘bought’ when you married that man, and learning to adapt to him as he is, not as you want him to be."
Though, I would not consider Jeff a “Mr. Command Man” by nature, there is some of that tendency at times and I am learning in what areas of life this blessing surfaces. Here are a few points that did apply that I need to remember (I will paraphrase)…
· Command men do more than is required (pp 77).
· I have to learn how to make a ‘proper appeal’ with out challenging his authority (pp 77).
· I have to earn/work my place in his heart by proving that I will stand by him, be faithful to only him, and obedient to him (pp 77).
· Many times when there is strife…it is because he expects obedience, honor and reverence, and he is not getting it (pp 79).
Now, Jeff certainly is not a “Mr. Visionary”, but there were still some great points that can be applied to any ‘type’ of man.
· Learning how to be flexible, and learning how to be loyal to your man…go with his flow (pp 81).
· “The way you think determines how you will feel, and how you feel influences the way you will act.” (pp 83)
If you have not figured it out yet, Jeff is a “Mr. Steady” through and through. Most of this section was eye opening! From the way that he views me to the way that others (who do not have Mr. Steady) view me, so much of this section was written just for me.
· I absolutely appreciate the simplicity of what Mrs. Pearl says here: “The women married to Visionary Men look at you in wonder that your husband seems so balanced and stable. The wife of Command Man marvels at the free time you seem to have.” (pp 86)
· “Let him be the one God made him to be: a still, quiet, thoughtful presence—for you!” (pp 87)
· His lack of [open boldness to spiritual things] may look like indifference. However he is like deep, deep water. The very depth makes the movement almost imperceptible, but it is, nevertheless, very strong.

As the chapter was closing, I appreciated Debbi’s detail in the wife’s power in making and breaking her marriage with the sections, “Ruination” Wife’s Summary and Successful Wife’s Summary.

My responsibility, as a wife of a Mr. Steady, is to readily acknowledge what a friend, lover, and companion I have been given. Remembering, to give him verbal affirmation and gratitude for his hard work, support, listening ear, comfort, and quiet presence!

“When she stops trying to change him, he will grow…” pp. 92

Helpmeet--Ch. 2/3 & 4/5; Jan-Maree

I recognize that I have yet to contribute to the blog on chapters 2-5! I feel as though I have so much to think about and work on; I get overwhelmed with sitting down and typing it all out in addition to hosting the group.

I want to first say that I am really enjoying our meetings that we have had thus far (3). The first meeting on the Introduction and Chapter 1 (which I have already posted thoughts on) was so encouraging to me! I was amazed at the turnout and interest that I saw. It is awesome to see and share similar interests with those whom I am in friendships with.

This week I was encouraged by my mentor, Joanne, to meditate on the following verse,
"And let us not grow weary while doing good for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."

Gal. 6:9

With that said, below I will attempt to consolidate my thoughts on these 2 past discussions. (CH 2 & 3 and CH 4 & 5)

Chapters 2 & 3

What I was encouraged by:

· "A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance…" Pr. 15:13

· Joy is visible…Thankfulness is how you think; joy is the abundance it produces…Act like the queen of his heart J

· Your negative responses are not going to make your carnal husband suddenly be the mature man who does what he ought. 'No man has ever crawled out from under his wife's criticism to be a better man—no matter how justified her condemnation.'—pp.29

What I was confronted by:

· He needs to hear gladness and appreciation in my voice.—pp.31

· I can stand on my rights and stand on truth, but it won't [help] save my marriage…

· A woman holds her man with the fragile threads of adoration, thankfulness, delight, and just plain fun.—pp. 31

· A man's spirit tells him his woman is rejecting him and manipulating him when she regularly manifests a broken spirit, and he will react with anger.—pp.33

What I was educated by:

· If you have a reason to be hurt or discouraged and yet you sing with thanksgiving, this is a true sacrifice of worship to God.—pp. 34

"Let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving and declare His works with rejoicing." Ps. 107:22

· A wise woman…knows that a lighthearted home relieves her husband of stress.—pp. 35

Chapters 4 & 5

What I was encouraged by:

· …be the woman who honors, obeys, and loves Jesus, by honoring [my] husband.—pp.47

· I serve Christ by serving my husband, whether he deserves it or not.—pp.50

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him." Jms.1:5

· In Ps. 37:3-8, I can apply this to my man and my marriage…

"Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret—it only causes harm."

What I was confronted by:

· Viewing myself as the wife/woman God gave my man—a GIFT, a PLAYMATE, his HELPER.—pp.43

· A gift is something you receive that has not been earned or merited.—pp.55

· Joy is lacking in a woman's life b/c she is not thankful.—pp.48

· Traits of a GOOD HELP MEET—pp.48

1. She is joyful

2. She makes love fun

3. She is thankful and content

· There will be times in my marriage when it will take faith and wisdom to believe that God is good, kind, and just in His command for you to submit to your husband in everything.—pp.54

"Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." Eph. 5:24

What I was educated by:

· Joy begins with thankfulness… "Our delight did not happen b/c he is…the perfect man…or b/c he 'loves me like Christ loves the church'…nor b/c he is a strong spiritual leader…nor b/c he does the right things…it happens and continues to happen b/c of the choices I make every day."—pp. 43

· Being grateful and thankful is the key to spiritual victory.—pp.46

· Having the heart of, "God, I know your Word teaches me to be a woman who is there to help meet all of my husband's desires and dreams, make me that woman." This eternal vision will change your mind, thus changing your actions, and, most importantly, it will change your reactions.—pp.49

· In Eph. 5:24, God's command to that woman is not hinged on the man loving his wife as Christ loved the Church.—pp.54

Helpmeet--Changes in Reading Schedule; Jan-Maree

As you will see there is a "Discussion Schedule" link directly under the Help Meet cover photo on the right side of the blog page (Thanks, Jen!)
I was looking at it and noticed that what I had posted on the blog schedule was slightly off from what I had jotted down on paper when planning the dates. I reviewed the differences and made some slight changes to both schedules.

Our last discussion will be on Dec. 5th -- perhaps we can plan to "celebrate" what we have learned and gather as a group for dinner or dessert or a Saturday morning breakfast (12/6-before the holidays get us busy)? More on that idea later.

So, for our March 28th discussion (which I hope is warmer weather) plan to have read through to the end of Chapter 3: A Thankful Spirit.

I am jotting down questions that are coming to mind at the end of the chapters. In particular I look forward to getting some advice on "joy" and a joyful spirit.

Blessings to you all this week!

Helpmeet--Intro & Part 1; Jan-Maree

Wow! What a blessed time our discussion was yesterday. I do hope that some of the ladies that were here yesterday do take some time to share on the blog what we talked about as a group.

I will start with a short introduction. All of you, at this point anyway, know a lot or a little about me already.

Jeff and I started dating when I was a senior in HS. We dated for 11 mo and got engaged Memorial Day prior to my graduating HS in June. We were engaged another 13 mo. In July '95 we wed in the 'garden' of my parent's home. I finished school at The Master's College and started teaching Pre-K in '99. Sept. 2002 we were gifted with our daughter and in May 2004 we were gifted again with our son.

As far as our relationship with one another has been these past 13 yrs., I would say there have been 2 specific "dry patches" in our marriage. The first was in the summer of 2000 (he was working a job that consumed him and I resented it) and the second was in the summer of 2007 (my priorities were whacked!). I recognized what needed to change, so I worked hard to consider our family first in my choices and it worked to temporarily mend the problem--we were on an upswing through the fall and winter. By this past January that mend needed re-enforcing; I wanted more! Through encouragement from a dear 'walking' friend, I sought counsel from a local Titus 2 Bible study leader. Even though I have only had limited time with her, as I sit here I would consider her one of the most influential women in my life! She definitely has impacted my life and our marriage for Christ!!
Between one our first 2 meetings, she gave me one of her CD's to listen to titled, "Fruit of the Spirit" Joanne Frank: Kindness, Gentleness, Respect" http://www.mobiltape.com/ . Early one Friday morning in February, I put the CD in and sat in my car with my blanket, coffee, and clipboard devouring every word as if it were food after fasting.
Why was this so monumental to my thinking? It did not seem like new concepts but they were because I have never implemented them into my daily life! I had slowly been blinded and deceived to how the world influences women and wives attitudes!
Joanne was like a slap in the face (a wake up call) for me! It was painful but so refreshing!! I will not soon forget the day that I decided to honor my husband exceedingly in EVERYTHING!!! The Lord used Joanne's experience and wisdom to teach me what the Lord expects from me as a wife. I am confident that she will be blessed and rewarded sweetly for answering her high calling of training and teaching us women who so desperately need to be taught, reminded, slapped (j/k), and redirected. I thank the Lord for the ease in which our paths crossed (longer story for another time and place).

So, enough of the past!! Let's move forward---and I am so excited to do so!

Our main area of discussion revolved around the question of, how have we figured out how to be a helper to our husband?

I have come to learn that it's not usually what I think is helpful or what I would appreciate. It's not easy to do some (or most) of the things that my beloved perceives as helpful. Even if I am not sure what he would like, I need to be a sleuth and discover that treasure! We have heard the phrase, "men are from Mars, women are from Venus". We speak different languages! Just like the love languages that are talked about,http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

we need to figure out (not just what makes him feel loved) but what also shows him genuine respect through our actions as a helper to him. :-)

I do not want to take away from "Flowersgirl" if she is planning to elaborate on this point (which I hope she does), but I appreciated her pointing out a line on page 23.

Debi writes, "Your excellence as a help meet to him may very well be God's plan for improving his leadership role in the family".

Debi also sites 2 verses that I appreciated reading (p. 22):

I Cor. 11:8-9, "For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man."

I Cor. 7:34, "There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband."

As far as being a helper to my husband, here are a few ways that I am joyfully serving him these days:
1. Being home and available.
2. Listening and caring about what he has to say.
3. Have the house orderly and the kids in calm and happy spirits when he arrives (he is not walking into conflict when he gets home).
4. Asking him if there is anything particular he wants done today, this week, this month.

We also have a family blog site...
"Bernards Family Endeavors"

Encouraging Words

I recently was on Amazon.com and came across some of the comments that have been posted about our current read, Created to be His Help Meet. After reading some of them, I was a little discuraged; though I knew of a handful of trusted friends that have read the book and highly reccommend it. Since I had not read it personally (yet) I went to those trusted friends and asked for their opinions. Once I heard back from them, it was clear that this book was something I wanted to read and gleen from.

Here are some of what my dear friends offered to me.
"Yes, the book has been rather controversial in the Christian community. Some Pastors have told the women in their congregation that they are not to read the book!!! I, personally, agreed with most of the book and I think we both know women who have claimed that it was a life-changing, marriage-saving book.

In the same way that To Train Up a Child has infuriated some people, well this book has had the same result. I would say, however, that both the child training book and this Help Meet book have helped so many families (I am quite certain that for every negative review there are probably 10 positive reviews... if not more.)"

Another gal wrote,
"Wow. I am shocked, saddened, and angry by some of the comments that were posted about the book. You know me, Jan. I wouldn't promote a book that demeaned women, held that men can sin and women have to just take it, or said that most marriage problems are the woman's fault. It is true that I don't agree with some things that the Pearls hold to be true (King James version only, die-hard homeschooling, vaccinations, etc.). But their view of men, women, children, and the home is 'right on' in my opinion! Further, you know a lot about my marriage and the views I held before I married and after I was married for 8 years. You have seen the change that was wrought by God's work in my heart after reading Help Meet. If there are women in this world who think that ultimate submission to their husbands isn't God's path to blessing, then they are also wrong in their estimation about their level of submission to Christ Himself. Complete submission and service to your husband is submission and service to Christ; what your husband is doing with his leadership and walk with the Lord is not your (my) responsibility. Anyway, I have a lot more I could say about it all, but we'll save that discussion for another day or email.

If it's any consolation, the more correct John MacArthur is on any one subject, the more negative feedback and criticism he receives. He almost would rather have that kind of response than none at all b/c it gives him an accurate gauge on what people are really believing and how they are living out their theology."

There are many other encouraging notes/letters that were mailed in to Debi Pearl (author of Help Meet). They are posted in their newsletters and on their website.

Here are just three of the many testimonials which they've received (these were printed in their most recent newsletter):

Dear Mrs. Pearl,
I am a daughter who would like to thank you for writing Created To Be His Help Meet. When I read the letters from people who had read the book, I prayed that my mom would somehow get to read it. I was very surprised when someone gave her your book. Our lives have changed. Mom and Dad are acting so different, and I respect them both much more now. It’s like they love each other! I don’t know what’s in that book, but it must be good. – Thank you again, A reader’s daughter

I recommended your Created book to a dear friend in Ireland, and here is a portion of an email she sent to me: “Once again I must tell you - the Pearl book is still doing its rounds. One lady [said] that it has revolutionised her marriage and she has ordered her own copy. [One sister] has developed the saying, ‘a Pearl moment’ for times when she needs to submit! What a blessing it has been - there’d be nothing like it available here in Ireland!” – God bless, Jenn

Dear Debi,
Thank you for sharing your life and heart in Created To Be His Help Meet. Who would have guessed that a trip to the library could totally transform and ignite your marriage. I couldn’t wait to read your book. Instantly I started following your advice. My husband and I have been married for 12 years and had a great relationship, but now it is absolutely incredible. – Sincerely, H.C.

Helpmeet--Reading Time/Schedule

CREATED TO BE HIS HELP MEET

Introduction – Once Upon a Time
Part I – The Help Meet
1. God's Gift
DISCUSSION: Mar 14

2. A Merry Heart
3. A Thankful Spirit
DISCUSSION: Mar 28

4. Thanksgiving Produces Joy
5. The Gift of Wisdom
DISCUSSION: Apr 11

6. The Beginning of Wisdom
7. Wisdom—While There is Yet Hope
DISCUSSION: May 8

8. Wisdom to Understand Your Man
DISCUSSION: May 29

9. Finding Your Life in His
10. Reactions Define You
DISCUSSION: Jun 20

11. The Nature of Man & Woman
12. By Divine Appointment
DISCUSSION: Jul 11

13. The Great Mystery
14. King and Kingdoms
DISCUSSION: Jul 25

Part II – Titus 2
Eight Practical Game Rules
15. To Be Sober – 1
DISCUSSION: Aug 8

16. To Love Their Husbands – 2
DISCUSSION: Aug 29

17. To Love Their Children – 3
DISCUSSION: Sep 12

18. To Be Discreet – 4
DISCUSSION: Sep 26

19. Chaste – 5
20. Keepers at Home – 6
DISCUSSION: Oct 10

21. Good – 7
DISCUSSION: Oct 24

22. Obedient to Their Own Husbands – 8
DISCUSSION: Nov 7

23. To Obey or Not to Obey – That is the Question
DISCUSSION: Nov 21

24. Heirs Together in the Grace of Life
(and remaining pages)
Celebrating what we have learned!
DISCUSSION: Dec 5