Helpmeet--Intro & Part 1; Jan-Maree

Wow! What a blessed time our discussion was yesterday. I do hope that some of the ladies that were here yesterday do take some time to share on the blog what we talked about as a group.

I will start with a short introduction. All of you, at this point anyway, know a lot or a little about me already.

Jeff and I started dating when I was a senior in HS. We dated for 11 mo and got engaged Memorial Day prior to my graduating HS in June. We were engaged another 13 mo. In July '95 we wed in the 'garden' of my parent's home. I finished school at The Master's College and started teaching Pre-K in '99. Sept. 2002 we were gifted with our daughter and in May 2004 we were gifted again with our son.

As far as our relationship with one another has been these past 13 yrs., I would say there have been 2 specific "dry patches" in our marriage. The first was in the summer of 2000 (he was working a job that consumed him and I resented it) and the second was in the summer of 2007 (my priorities were whacked!). I recognized what needed to change, so I worked hard to consider our family first in my choices and it worked to temporarily mend the problem--we were on an upswing through the fall and winter. By this past January that mend needed re-enforcing; I wanted more! Through encouragement from a dear 'walking' friend, I sought counsel from a local Titus 2 Bible study leader. Even though I have only had limited time with her, as I sit here I would consider her one of the most influential women in my life! She definitely has impacted my life and our marriage for Christ!!
Between one our first 2 meetings, she gave me one of her CD's to listen to titled, "Fruit of the Spirit" Joanne Frank: Kindness, Gentleness, Respect" http://www.mobiltape.com/ . Early one Friday morning in February, I put the CD in and sat in my car with my blanket, coffee, and clipboard devouring every word as if it were food after fasting.
Why was this so monumental to my thinking? It did not seem like new concepts but they were because I have never implemented them into my daily life! I had slowly been blinded and deceived to how the world influences women and wives attitudes!
Joanne was like a slap in the face (a wake up call) for me! It was painful but so refreshing!! I will not soon forget the day that I decided to honor my husband exceedingly in EVERYTHING!!! The Lord used Joanne's experience and wisdom to teach me what the Lord expects from me as a wife. I am confident that she will be blessed and rewarded sweetly for answering her high calling of training and teaching us women who so desperately need to be taught, reminded, slapped (j/k), and redirected. I thank the Lord for the ease in which our paths crossed (longer story for another time and place).

So, enough of the past!! Let's move forward---and I am so excited to do so!

Our main area of discussion revolved around the question of, how have we figured out how to be a helper to our husband?

I have come to learn that it's not usually what I think is helpful or what I would appreciate. It's not easy to do some (or most) of the things that my beloved perceives as helpful. Even if I am not sure what he would like, I need to be a sleuth and discover that treasure! We have heard the phrase, "men are from Mars, women are from Venus". We speak different languages! Just like the love languages that are talked about,http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

we need to figure out (not just what makes him feel loved) but what also shows him genuine respect through our actions as a helper to him. :-)

I do not want to take away from "Flowersgirl" if she is planning to elaborate on this point (which I hope she does), but I appreciated her pointing out a line on page 23.

Debi writes, "Your excellence as a help meet to him may very well be God's plan for improving his leadership role in the family".

Debi also sites 2 verses that I appreciated reading (p. 22):

I Cor. 11:8-9, "For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man."

I Cor. 7:34, "There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband."

As far as being a helper to my husband, here are a few ways that I am joyfully serving him these days:
1. Being home and available.
2. Listening and caring about what he has to say.
3. Have the house orderly and the kids in calm and happy spirits when he arrives (he is not walking into conflict when he gets home).
4. Asking him if there is anything particular he wants done today, this week, this month.

We also have a family blog site...
"Bernards Family Endeavors"