Helpmeet--Ch. 4 & 5 - Chelle

OK all, I am sorry that I am so late in posting this. Things have been busy since our trip to Montenegro. Thank you for your prayers for us. I had quite a few opportunities to practice our lessons on smiling and having a thankful and joyful spirit over the past couple of weeks. We have had a bout with head lice from an Albanian family. It was worse because I got it - and my hair is quite long. It took about a week to rid our heads, our house and all cloths of these bugs. I had, what I call "lice lessons". I have also been reading Respectable Sins, by Jerry Bridges, and together with the Helpmeet book have been convicted about how complacent I am about the "small" sins in my life. So, I was sitting in my chair one morning reflecting on how God never does anything without a purpose and wondering what all the hours of dealing with lice was meant for in my life. Then I thought about how many hours I did spend to get rid of them and how disgusted I was to have even one on my head. I was desperate to be done with them. I thought about how my sin is even more disgusting and has greater ramifications that an epidemic of lice on 5 female heads (only 2 of us got it - praise God). I am not nearly as vigilant to deal with the sin or even the "eggs" or seeds of that sin that I see in my life. I spent hours (literally) picking through Breanna's head and I asked Kris to do the same for my hair. At any little itch I was checking for lice. If only I was so sensitive to the slightest "itch" of my flesh and dealt with it even to the point of asking others to pick through my life to find the hidden and often camaflogued sin. How would my life be different? The hours I spent to deal with a bug show how much more concerned I am about my physical appearance (I didn't want to cut my hair) than my spiritual walk (I have a hard time spending 30 minutes a day in prayer). This all cut me to the core. Thank God for lice! Hopefully, I am learning this lesson so I don't have to go through it again.

Well, on to the book.

In chapter 4 I just loved the story of Debi and her husband with the trash. I have read that story to a couple of friends and think of it often. It is so true of how the small things can either get me bitter and frustrated or give me fodder for play and fun. How silly we can be that we allow the trash bags of life to get us down in the dumps. :-) I had someone ask me last week if I was happy here in Albania. Because I have been studying this book I was reminded that a thankful heart produces joy and makes life more enjoyable. However, I realized that my happiness is different here. In the states it was more incidental. There were things, like my church, my friends, the ease with which I could do things there, my car, fast food, and silly things like good milk and string cheese, that lent to my happiness and made life just good. It was a wind-in-your-hair, sunny day kind of happiness. Here many of those things are gone or are just different and I realize that I am laughing less, playing less, enjoying the small things that make life sweet less. I am learning to find my joy and happiness in God instead of those things that are so transient. It has been a good lesson for me. I am also concentrating on saying those "thank-you's" to God all day long and I have found that the more carefree and happy me is coming around more. It is true, "JOY IS THE RESULT OF A THANKFUL HEART." Pg 47

Chapter 5 - I think that all women have asked the questions at the beginning of the chapter in some form or fashion. For me, they have been complaints and self-pity disguised as prayers to God. Yes, there are some legitimate times that I have cried out to God for help when I have been unjustly hurt, but those times are very few and far between. Most times I am being too sensitive, playing the martyr, carrying the hurt from past issues that just add fuel to the current fire, or having expectations that I have no right to lay on him. At those times my, "O God, please change him" prayers are in large part ease my pain. I need to be more focused on how I am responding in those situations - not just in my actions, but in my reactions and attitudes. I see that I am good at sucking it up and dealing with his "sin", but I don't let love cover those. I fool myself into thinking that my love is covering those, but instead my self-righteousness has just swept it under the rug to be pulled out later and examined when I want to have a reason to feel hurt or deny him the happy and giving wife he wants. I begin to think, "How can you expect me to give you real intimacy in bed (not just a warm body) or get your drink or massage your back or whatever, when I feel that you have been uncaring, harsh, less than understanding or romantic?" Those are VERY dangerous thoughts and need to be dealt with as the sin that they are. They are the seeds of discontent that grow into weeds of bitterness. It is hard work to remember that "I am the worst sinner I know" (CJ Mahaney), and to give Kris the grace that I have been given by God. I desperately want my marriage to reflect the relationship Christ has with the church to the watching world around.