Helpmeet--Ch. 4 & 5; Jen

I see that I'm not the only one behind on this week thankfully. My daughter and I had the stomach flu for a week and then we had a family funeral and emergency to tend to out of state for a week so I got behind. I'm back home now and trying to get caught up on everything. I did study while I was gone and took a lot of notes. I hope I'm not the only one long winded this week. =0)

Chapter 4

I really liked the subtitle of this chapter. I feel like that would be a great marriage or life creed to live by. "Live with thanksgiving, forgiveness, and joy, and enjoy all your moments as if they were your last." Isn't that great!?

I could really relate to Debi saying things in this chapter like "I made sure he felt my bitterness..." and things like that. Funny how as women there is a universalness (is that a word?) about us...how we respond to our husbands poorly at times. I like where she said, "I'M SMART, I've learned to like....." and then I filled in my own ending to that sentence many times. I have a friend who is raising her four children in an apartment and she shared with me that she has this little quote on her nightstand which says, "God's will for my life is more important than where I live." Through the years I've learned to finish that sentence my own ways as well especially in my marriage when it comes to submitting. "God's will for my life is more important than........" you fill in the blank.

I like that Debi points out the need our husbands have of someone to play with. If that's a need, then I want to fulfill it. I don't want to leave that need unmet so that he has to find someone else to fill that void. I don't want to give him any reason to look further for his needs to be met.

Laughter makes life easier to climb. I've got to write that down and put it somewhere like my fridge or bathroom mirror. My husband by nature is the melancholy type and very serious most of the time. Although he does have a recognizable laugh that is from his gut and so loud and whole hearted that friends and family always get a kick at hearing his laugh in the distance. But, I've learned that in order to respond well to HIS nature, I need to be the "happy guru" in our family. I often tease that I am and he knows it's true. I'm the parent that has to facilitate "fun, silliness, laughing, smiles, etc." I'm so glad I was able to recognize this early on so that I was able to compliment him so well in that way. I love that Debi is encouraging me in this area...keep on laughing, keep on bringing happiness. To my pleasant surprise, through the years, I've rubbed off on my husband in this area a bit. Like Debi says in the beginning of this chapter "you have much more control than you know!"

I can choose to feel like my husband lets me down in that area and breed bitterness or I can compliment his weakness (making myself the perfect match for him) and bring him, my children, and myself great memories and joy by choosing to smile. I think this thinking can be applied to several areas of my marriage and life.

I think as young brides we tend to look at what our strong, protecting, providing husbands will do for us rather than evaluating what he lacks or is weak in and figuring out ways in which we can compliment him or make him stronger in. It reminds me of the marriage creed I decided to live by a long time ago that I found in a book somewhere.... it goes like this:

"In serving the Lord your primary purpose and role each day is to help
(insert husband's name), share in his responsibilities, to respond to his
nature, and to wholeheartedly cooperate with him in God’s plan for your life
together."

I just love that.

I love where Debi says that their delight and good marriage didn't happen because of how perfect her husband was but because of choices she made. Wow, what responsibility that brings to us as wives.

I so do NOT want to be partners in stress and bitterness but rather heirs in the grace of life. How else are we a team, taking on the world together?!

"A healthy relationship with a man inspires our relationship with God." I never realized that before but it makes so much sense in light of Scripture about Christ and the Church and how the marriage relationship mirrors that. What a great thing to realize!

Chapter 5

Some thoughts.....
We must submit ourselves to the authority of Scripture otherwise everything in our lives, including our marriage will be confusing, undefined, and without guidance.

What God commands us women to do does not hinge on the man loving his wife the way Christ loves the church. THANK GOODNESS! How confusing that would be! I have one focus each and every day as a married woman that does not depend on man, but on God.

"It was nothing short of divine wisdom that enabled me to understand the destructiveness of taking personal offense when my husband did things that seemed unfair, selfish, or harsh." Wow, that's really key to me. After many years of marriage, I'm seeing this and applying it!

Praise God for wisdom! Wisdom is key to understanding our men. Wisdom helps us understand them, to say what we mean, to evaluate ours and their motives fairly... Wisdom helps us not take personal offense. Wisdom helps us submit even if they fail as a leader.