Helpmeet--Intro and Part 1; Chelle

For those of you who don't know me, I am Stephanie Flower's sister, Chelle Stire. My husband, Kris (for 14 wonderful years) and our 4 daughters (ages 11, 8, 7, and 5) are missionaries in Albania. Albania is located right above Greece, in Europe. We have been privileged to serve here for the past 8 months. You can visit our blog www.stiretestimonial.blogspot.com to read more about our lives and ministry here and see some photos of us and Albania.

I am so very grateful to be able to be a part of this discussion with you. I have missed the sweet fellowship and interaction with like-minded women that challenge and spur me to be all God wants me to be. These past months have been, for me, a time of God removing lots of spiritual props that I relied on to gauge my spirituality and growth (church involvement - my husband was an associate pastor in Texas and I was the coordinator of women's discipleship and leader in the women's ministry, "good" quiet times, a schedule that was centered around helping my husband as he pastored and went to seminary, discipling women in our church, and raising our children). I have wanted to be a missionary for the past 31 years (since I was 6) and was absolutely thrilled when God led us to Albania. I knew that my idea of mission work was somewhat idealistic and so I tried to prepare myself for the inevitable difficulties that we would face. I expected the frequent loss of electricity and water, the extreme heat in the summer and cold in the winter (which are harder to deal with when you don't have water and power), the feelings of isolation because we are still learning the language, adjusting to a new church and friends, and learning how to live in a totally different culture. What I did not expect was how I would react to these things. There was never a question that I am a sinner, but I thought that I was more mature in the Lord (aren't all missionaries supposed to be super-spiritual? lol). I distinctly remember sitting in my kitchen a couple of months back reflecting on how I had been impatient, unkind, complaining, irritable, selfish, and lazy (and all of this that morning) and crying out to the Lord, "God, I thought I was stronger than this. I was more godly in America. What am I doing here?" Then, in a flash, it hit me. THIS is who I really am. The times of testing in new ways and dealing with pressure that I am unused to had just revealed what I had gotten good at hiding in my nice, manageable, controlled schedule and life in the states. I have felt that my personal walk with God, these past months, has been a journey to a foreign land. It has been me and God. Not me and God and my Bible study women and my discipler and my disciplees. Elisabeth Elliot said once that missionaries have to have a "sinewy faith". My faith sure has lots of baby fat on it and God is leaning me down to run the race with endurance.

So why am I sharing all this? It was during these dry and difficult times that God brought this book, "Created to be his helpmeet", into my life. One of the missionary wives gave it to me. She had bought it for all the wives on our team for a Christmas present, but she gave it to me 2 months early because she was tired of hearing my whining. In our 14 years of marriage, Kris and I have had our learning curves. The years 2004-2005 where some real winnowing years for me. God revealed a lot about my sins of discontent, self-righteousness, hypocrisy, and lack of respect for my husband. Out of those years, God brought us to a new place in our marriage - it was just incredible. So, in 2006 and the first half of 2007, we were just growing and loving and communicating in such sweet harmony. Then, we got to Albania and I stopped working hard on being a godly helper for Kris. I was just trying to survive here. My attitude towards his him was, "Hey, I need your help more now because I don't know how to live in this country." I began to imprison him in the cage of my expectations - the expectations that he would do more work with the kids, spend time on romance, pick up the slack from the woman who had been discipling me for 4 years, do more around the house..., you get the picture. Of course, expectations are just pre-arranged disappointments because they are based on what "I" want and think "I" deserve. So, all that to say, our relationship took a big hit. Poor Kris, he was thinking, "What happened to that wonderful woman I was married to in the states.". This book was the kick in the pants that I needed and still need.

I think that being reminded by Debi that my purpose on this earth is to glorify God by serving my husband and making his life more productive was key for me. This is not a 50/50 marriage. It is a 100/0 marriage. I am called to serve him 100% of the time. I can cannot "expect" him to serve me. If he does, then great - it's a gift from God, but if I expect it, I will stumble on that rock and perish.

I made my list of ways that I can best help Kris and then I asked him the ways that I could help him best. Many of those things were the same - pray for him, keep the house picked up, and be a lover (Carolyn Mahaney says a man would rather have good sex every day and and a PB&J for dinner than a gourmet meal and listless sex). However, he also added that I can help him by doing the ironing more regularly, putting away the laundry, exercising (yikes!), being more consistent with discipling the girls, and following through on projects he has asked me to do (I sometimes just want to finish up what I am doing before I get to his agenda). So, with this list in hand, I have been trying be a better helper. I have made a list of times that I can pray for Kris - when I am making the bed I pray for his purity, when I am putting away the laundry I pray for him to be clothed with the Spirit and putting on the full armor of God, when I am doing the dishes I pray for his ministry and his job, when I am getting ready for the day I pray for our love and marriage to be reflect Christlikeness, etc..

I have shared these with you in hopes that you will keep me accountable to following up with them. I am a notorious great starter and then I fizzle out after a while. I will be praying for each of you and would ask the same from you. I sure need it!

So, my next blog entry won't be so long, I hope. I look forward to getting you all more over the next months and maybe getting to see you face to face when we are home on furlough in a few years.